Burning Through Enough

Burning Through Enough

Yesterday was a dream day. A wonderful day. So many good things happened all at the same time. This is a rare occurrence. Maybe once in a decade do I have a day where everything goes this well. It was like every time I answered the phone or checked my email, some new piece of awesome information was awaiting me. The very definition of enough. My cup was spilling over. Yet, I found myself obsessively checking my phone as the day came to a close. With all this goodness, I was maniacally thirsting for more. I was burning through enough so fast that it almost started to feel empty.

Now how could that be?

A Great Day

I no longer measure achievement or happiness based on being a physician. Financial independence has allowed me to transition my purpose and meaning towards creativity. The place that maybe it belonged all along. Freed from the shackles of economic self interest, I am now able to concentrate on doing things that bring me joy.

Hospice is one of them. As is all my work with creativity and communication. Blogging. Podcasting. Public speaking. These have become my passions.

It has taken time to begin the process of building these other aspects of my life. Still relatively new to personal finance blogging and podcasting, I am just starting to see the first fruits of my labor. My hours of of creating and becoming part of this community are flowering.

So the series of opportunities that came across my virtual desk yesterday should be of little surprise. This has been the culmination of much hard work and engagement.

Yet it all came at once. And I burned through enough so fast it made my head spin.

The Enough Conundrum

I think that the idea of enough is a fallacy. It is a circular conundrum. For me, yesterday should have been enough. I had enough good things happen that I should have been happy and contented. Over the moon.

Or so you would think. So why as the night came to a close was I restlessly clicking away at my email in basket? Because I was like a junkie coming off a great high. I was already itching for more.

I was burning through enough. So fast in fact, that my day ended not with exhilaration, but with exhaustion instead.

It would be frightening if I wasn’t so intimately familiar with the cycle. I have lived it my whole life.

More Treadmills

I live in a world of treadmills. Whether hedonic or achievement. No matter how hard I try, getting exactly what I want never really leads to contentment. It leads to frenzied attempts for more.

Burning through enough is as natural as spending more when I make more. Or achieving more when I am already an over achiever.

I have come to the conclusion that I am superiorly adapted for striving and incredibly poorly equipped for succeeding. I am happiest when becoming.

Final Thoughts

Burning through enough comes naturally to me. Yet embracing what is, and rejoicing in the moment is not. As I have said before, I am trying to transition eventually to the state of being. I can enjoy becoming, but I must learn how to not let it consume me.