Don’t FIRE Before Kids
Don’t FIRE Before Kids
Don’t FIRE before kids. Don’t do it. I know this is a controversial stance. I didn’t say don’t FIRE. I didn’t say don’t have kids. I’m just saying that if you are going to have kids, FIRE afterwards. The benefits of the early retirement lifestyle are incredibly variable at different times in your life. If you jump too quick, and decide that you are going to have kids later, you are in for a rude awakening.
Financial independence has benefits in all life stages. There is no doubt. But if you want to both have enough and not resent those little buggers, do yourself a favor. Delay retirement for a bit.
The Selfish/Selfless Divide
Let’s face it. Children require an abundance of selflessness. Why else would a woman give up her body for nine months and then suffer through the hell of breastfeeding? Why would a guy wake up in the middle of the night for months in a row dangling a bottle in front of the mouth of a toddler with a soiled diaper.
Early retirement, on the other hand, is rightfully selfish. You have released yourself from the bond of indentured servitude to pursue your own unique purpose and identity. This is not only justified, but appropriate. You are allowed to spend time on ourselves.
Yet if you FIRE before kids and get used to the self centered lifestyle, you are in for a rude awakening when the little ones come. Your protected time for writing, reading, or hobbies? Gone. Your idyllic eight hour sleep schedule obliterated.
Let’s face it, me time will disappear. And if you are deeply entrenched in early retirement at that point, you may not be so happy.
World Travel
Is travel part of your why of FI? For many, it plays a role. And those celebrated younguns who retire at thirty can exult in travelling the world when they are “baggage” free.
But the FIRE before kids life will change drastically after the stork arrives. Can it be done? Yes, we know several who do. It is, however, a pain. There are diapers, and car seats, and all the other paraphernalia that go with young kids.
Don’t forget flights. The extra tickets. The hours of howling and annoying your fellow passengers. It takes years to get better.
And usually when the kids get to school age, there is pressure to provide a stable environment for a good decade or more.
I’m not saying that it is impossible, but if you FIRE before kids and want to travel extensively, be prepared for some hassle.
Dollars and Sense
Kids cost money. More than you expect. More than you planned for. When my daughter became a victim of aggressive bullying, we decided to send her to a private school. One unexpected decision cost us $25K a year.
There are hobbies, and teams, and clubs. Serious sports kids can spend thousands on travel leagues, equipment, and summer camps. A musical instrument can run in the thousands. Private lessons are necessary for almost anyone who takes music seriously. The schools orchestras are mostly so so until high school.
God forbid your kids have special health or educational needs. Copays and deductibles can eat away at more than you imagined.
Final Thoughts
Don’t FIRE before kids. That is, if you plan to have them at all. Stick it out a little longer in the work force and FIRE after they are born. By then, you won’t know any better, and your why of FI will be your children.
As they grow older you will travel, and seek purpose and identity outside of the family. But, if you FIRE and then decide to have children. You can likely kiss the free time and travel away for a little while.
And don’t forget to budget a little extra. Kids are expensive.
Kids (and a spouse) are expensive! Up until fairly recently, I was single. I lived a comfortable “FIRE” lifestyle working locum tenens. I always had enough and never bothered with a budget. Now that I’m married with a baby, I took a full-time job and earn twice my previous income, but the dollars flow out so fast it’s nearly a full-time job just to track them! I’m still on the FIRE path, but it’s a lot more challenging!
Yep. Life takes unexpected turns.
This sounds like an interesting topic for a podcast. Kids before FIRE or FIRE before kids?
I think it’s an interesting and relevant topic as increasingly I’m coming across people who are lean FIRE-ing or semi FIRE-ing at a young age (typically around the time when they are just about to have or have just had kids).
HH
Yes. I might pursue this one.
Interesting! Considering many FIRE pursuers plan to become FI in their 30s or early 40s, many of them have not seen the cost of having kids at different stages from new-born to college graduates. I’m curious if many might end up going back to the workplace when the expenses get out of hand.
Not just out of hand but a little bit higher. Riskier.
Many people don’t realize that chikdcare alone is a silent killer. When our son was born, the cost of childcare for an infant was almost $1400 for the month (we live in a HCOL area). This was before diapers (we clothed 50/50), wipes, baby food (my son had a food allergy and we could only brestfeed for 6 months), medical visits and anything you feel your baby may need. We were looking at almost $1800 per month in baby expenses. Dont get me started on twins! I think it is smart to start your FI journey as soon as possible, but if kids are in the plan, one should be extremely aggressive in calculating all “if’s” when determining their FI number. Great article.
Thanks. I think that FIREing with kids is certainly possible. I just think it is better after having them.
Your title grabbed me, because we’re waiting to FIRE until our youngest has graduated high school. I don’t know if we can call it early retirement at that point, since Mr. ThreeYear will be 55, but for us, while the kids are in school, it’s going to be somewhat meaningless to retire anyway, because we’re so bound to their school schedules. Since we can travel for long stretches in the summers anyway since we have remote jobs, then we think it makes sense to wait until they leave the nest. I definitely think that retiring early before you have kids would be a gigantic mistake, for the reasons you mentioned and then some. It’s so hard to predict how your life will change after kids, or what your expenses will be. Or where you’ll want to live after kids–we basically picked our town based on the school district. Great points and thanks for the great post!
Thanks Laurie. I think people get stuck on the money and forget that there are many other issues.