Financial Independence Fake
Financial Independence Fake
I am a financial independence fake. A coward. Here I have been spouting off about my half retirement. Bragging about life changes and am moving on to an existence of purpose, identity, and connection. Yah, yah, yah! It’s all a hoax. All false bravado. I have learned to talk a good game but underneath all that confidence is something else.
Fear
I am petrified. Petrified because yesterday I gave notice to all the nursing homes telling them that I am leaving. In one months time, I will no longer be the attending of record. I am leaving behind a large part of my career in medicine. Leaving behind the shield of income in excess of my needs.
You would think I would be calm and proud. I am not. My words on the page may come across as certain but my emotions are a whorl.
I am afraid.
Reality
I am not a financial independence fake because I don’t understand the numbers. I have been over my finances time and time again. There is enough to live a relatively fatFIRE existence with money to spare. I should be able to keep sending my daughter to private school and taking winter vacations to tropical climates.
Nothing in reality has changed. Except everything has changed. This is the moment where theory becomes reality. Where mathematics meets proof of concept.
I was so confident when I was singing the praises of the math but not relying on it. Now that is going to change. I have to live by my own philosophy.
Theory vs Practice
Why am I afraid? I have no clue. It is illogical. The wall of fear exists no matter how I try to rationalize my way out of it. I have calculated and recalculated the numbers, and still will have an income with my hospice work. I have built in safety valves and created streams of cash flow. The plan should be bulletproof.
But my emotions are not. They leak like sieves onto the paper and muss up all my calculations. They harp on irrationality, improbability, and fear. The so called logical brain has been stunned into suspended animation. This is not the me that comes across so arrogantly on paper.
This transition is not the victory lap that you would expect. It’s more like stumbling towards the finish line.
The Irrational Brain
You can’t talk me out of feeling this way. You can’t line up the facts and persuasively get me to feel differently. This is how I feel. I don’t begrudge myself this panic. It is the fear of doing something big. Something audacious. Something scary.
For someone like me, the consummate producer, it is awfully hard to stop producing. Money at least.
I am a financial independence fake. I enter this space partly unwillingly. Kicking and screaming, but not quite running in the other direction.
Final Thoughts
I stand before you emotionally barren. A financial independence fake. My words heretofore are not false bravado. They are not lies. But it would be deceitful to say that this is easy. I could turn back and undo what I have done. I could call the nursing homes and tell them that I will start to see new patients again.
But I won’t.
I won’t let fear of the unknown get in the way of pursuing that which I really want, and I won’t stand bewildered at the wall of fear and just give up.
I will scale that wall. Whether the winds whip my back or the sun shines in my eyes.
And I will stand atop it.
Or fall back and start again.
FYI, catch my latest podcast appearance by clicking below:
The first steps in any new direction are the hardest. I don’t think you would be human if you did not experience fear going into some unknown.
Even though math backs up the decision to FIRE math, like medicine in general, cannot be 100% accurate in predicting life because life is unpredictable. Even with a confidence interval of 95% means that there is a 5% failure rate. For some that is still too high, others might think they should have retired even earlier.
I think you have designed a life and income stream/capital to more than be successful in retirement and you are still not fully retired which means you have a good source of revenue coming in (that likely dwarfs the median salary of a family of 4 in America).
Adaptability will also be key to weather any glitches encountered and the FIRE community has that trait in spades.
That being said, when I take the leap, I will definitely go through the same emotions. I think it was Joe from Retire by 40 that said it takes about 2 years before you truly realize that you will be fine.
Two years sounds about right.
Such an honest piece of writing. Thanks for sharing. I was a little scared initially too. I knew I would be fine given I left myself a huge spending buffer. I am approaching the first two years now. But I haven’t RE really. I jumped and then figured out how to land safely learning all I could about real estate and being a landlord initially. Now that I have done better than in my wildest dreams and the most sophisticated FI spreadsheets predicted, I feel secure and am truly enjoying having the option to occpupy myself, spending time with loved ones, or simply roaming the globe. I am however getting a feeling that I should go back to work not to waste my years of training and experience gathering in my field of expertise. There is a good chance I will go back for a few more years to MegaCorp to capitalise on that initial investment while pursuing some of the projects I started after reaching FI. Good luck to executing the plan, I am sure you will do fine and are prepared for the little unknowns of life that might face you down the road. You can always come back if you want or need. Even if it pays you less, your FI Status will be your ultimate backup!
I think I will feel better with a few years under my belt.
DocG I slowed/ stopped working when I reached FI to stay home with the kids. That was over a decade ago now. I never counted what my husband earned for my FI amount.
I didn’t really cared about the money after a while since I was enjoying life exactly as I had planned. I have never regretted it. In fact, I wish I had done it earlier.
I knew I could always turn up the work if I had to. I had zero issue with that. It was never such a pinnacle as many of the FI community has set up for themselves. I saw it as a stage in my life. I also never labeled it but just did it. Being self employed helped since I was used to working whenever I wanted to.
Enjoy the ride DocG. Butterflies and all.
MB, you are a true inspiration. I always look forward to your words of wisdom. You have already done many of the things I strive for.
And I’m scared to death of health insurance if I go full FIRE. I’m with ya!
We all are about health insurance.
I totally get it. I am similarly afraid to turn off the money spigot from my primary career. It is far easier to find reasons to keep working than work through the fear and anxiety, especially when the work also provides purpose, identity, and connection.
Very true. It is only since the nursing home work has stopped bringing me joy that things are more urgent.
I see you as my ghost of Christmas future. I am both nervous for you and proud of you for making this big leap.
When the time comes I don’t know if I’ll be able to follow in your footsteps. I’m glad that I have your blog as a blueprint. I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for you!
Hopefully my journey will be insightful.
Ahh, the red pill, blue pill moment. From the Matrix:
This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill—the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill—you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember: all I’m offering is the truth. Nothing more.
And so it goes. Do you want to stay asleep quaking about 4 x 25, or do you want to live it? I live in Wonderland. It’s a blast. Your real fear is the loss of absurd excess and the assumption of your own risk. With that comes the ability to direct your own future. Assumption of that risk is the cost of freedom. If you stay asleep the future directs you. Your real fear is you might have to dare to be average instead of driven to be superior. Superior is a shield but superior takes its toll. Average has its benefits. To the superior man being average takes courage.
I choose the red pill.
Excellent Grasshopper
Love me some King Fu
Master Po: [after easily defeating the boy in combat] Ha, ha, never assume because a man has no eyes he cannot see. Close your eyes. What do you hear?
Young Caine: I hear the water, I hear the birds.
Master Po: Do you hear your own heartbeat?
Young Caine: No.
Master Po: Do you hear the grasshopper that is at your feet?
Young Caine: [looking down and seeing the insect] Old man, how is it that you hear these things?
Master Po: Young man, how is it that you do not?
Fake? Nah, I’d chalk the jitters up to still having to do some grounding in your purpose and identity. Might have some mourning of the passing of the old to do along the way.
Grab a second opinion from someone you trust whom you know has been through it. Maybe ping Justin (Root of Good) or Tanja (Our Next Life) or Pete (Mr. Money Mustache) or Vicki (Your Money or Your Life) for a consult?
You all are my second opinion.
Everyone is afraid of the first step in a new direction. Before and after I left medicine, I worried. I wrote two stories about my experience:
https://drcorysfawcett.com/what-i-learned-in-the-first-six-months-of-retirement/
https://drcorysfawcett.com/will-you-miss-medicine-when-you-retire/
Turns out, all is well. The worry was for nothing. Life after medicine is good and I still have an identity.
Dr. Cory S. Fawcett
Prescription for Financial Success
You are a great role model for all of us struggling in the inbetween. Thanks!
This is a turning point for you and like anything new, it’s a bit scary. We all use work as a crutch- even if you are ready to FIRE and all the numbers check out, I’m sure it’s going to take a while to get used to walking without the crutch. Best of luck.
I like the crutch metaphor. Work props us up against our fears.
Taking a leap of faith scares me to death especially since once you take the red pill, the chance of going back becomes…complicated. Thanks to pioneers like you and others the blow will be softened when I make my leap. Thanks for being brave.
The test subject,,huh?
For the record, I am proud of you for coming out and saying this. It takes a lot to do that. I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability, man. It looks good on you.
You keep faking it til (after you’ve already) made it… And I’ll keep being a fan.
TPP
Thanks man!
Well, I hit FI, worked a few more years, and built an income stream that looks more and more like a second job (albeit a great one) and will be pulling the trigger in about 10 months. Fear has certainly played a role in my delayed RE.
You’re not standing alone.
Cheers!
-PoF
That’s funny. I certainly don’t hear or see fear when I read your content or talk to you. I think we all are really good at understanding the math and using it to allay or fears.
The FI math is easy, being a person acting it all out is the hard part. Anything you enjoy coming to an end is bitter sweet. Im sure you are leaving work that was somewhat rewarding and leaving part of how you thought of yourself behind. That is hard. A change in identity is hard and slow.
Goodluck with ththe transition and congrats!
Thanks Kpeds. I thin the part about being hard and slow is true. It has taken years just to get here.
You’re no fake! Cmon Doc G I know you better than that. You’re getting rid of alligators and adding more kittens to your life.
Glad that I can call you my friend and you should be proud of all you’ve accomplished. Hope to see you soon at the next FI event!
Thanks Cody! I have a few CampFIs on the schedule for next year. Can’t wait to see you soon.
I wouldn’t interpret your feelings of fear to mean you are a fake. To me it means you are human. We are all vulnerable at some point in our life, even when the circumstances appear to be good. We will all be here to support you in your journey.
Thanks Dragon Guy. I think your point about vulnerability rings true. Even in good circumstances.
Fear approaches as change, change arrives without malice or intent. This change was on terms, terms you set from a plan set in motion a time ago. Embrace the change in a grasp so tight that fear has no room to enter.
I’ll put in the quote here….”Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone.” – Robert Allen
Very true. This blog, in essence, has been the written courage to get me here.
FI is supposed to give you that FU attitude, but we’re physicians and we’ve been trained in a culture (albeit misguided) of caring about others before ourselves. I still get nervous about feedback and meetings with the head of my dept. I still care what others think. I just had a meeting to discuss a sabbatical, and he said yes (yay! 9 months off next year!) but of course I was worried before the meeting. I understand your trepidation and know that I will have the same fear when/if I leave my practice for good.
Congrats on the sabbatical!
I love this. Your vulnerability is courageous. It shows that you CAN do scary things, even when you are afraid. We all can.
It helps to talk about them!