A Fickle Mistress
A Fickle Mistress
I was never very successful with girls during high school. In fact, they mostly avoided me like the plague. That didn’t stop me, however, from being most interested in them. So during that first week of college freshman year, in the dorms, I quickly found myself enamored with a girl who lived a few flights of stairs up from me. A fickle mistress, of sorts, she would give me just enough attention to keep me around, but feigned little interest otherwise.
She was pretty. And smart. And all the sorts of things that I thought I valued. Yet, it became quickly obvious that she had no plans with me.
So I moved on.
Reunion
College was a whirlwind. I immersed myself in premed classes, and moved dorms across campus within the first few months. I made friends, worthwhile and otherwise. Time progressed and my interests changed.
These was no lack of consideration for the opposite sex, but I also grew and matured. I had long term goals with my academics, and began to form deeper more enduring friendships. I even dated, and found myself occasionally in more serious romantic relationships.
And one day, while hanging out with my housemates and entertaining, the fickle mistress from my past came waltzing across the room with her boyfriend.
I actually didn’t recognize her. She was hanging on the shoulder of a random acquaintance who I didn’t particularly like.
Times Change
I wouldn’t have even thought twice, except for the fact that she sat down next to me with inquisitive eyes. She introduced herself and asked if I remembered her. When I said that I didn’t, I could see a touch of melancholy in her eyes. Somehow, I knew that something once bright had been extinguished.
Maybe she actually liked me more than she let on way back then. Maybe the ensuing years had been a little harder on her than she thought they would be.
Time and popularity are also a fickle mistress. Sometimes they can be harsh.
We parted with a friendly smile, and I never really thought about her again, until I sat down to write this blog post.
Financial Freedom
Like this random person that was briefly in my life, I think financial freedom can also be a fickle mistress.
In the beginning, I lusted after it. I dreamed of all that I could accomplish if it was just within my reach. Yet, as time went on, I really no longer even recognized my previous version of what I thought it was.
Life intervened. Dreams. Projects. Relationships. The deeper business of becoming who I am supposed to be took over.
Like the beautiful, intelligent girl who briefly waltzed through my dreams during that first week of college, it was a construct. A false skeleton lacking the depth and substance that I was truly looking for.
Years later, I have evolved to the point that previous ideas of what financial freedom are hardly recognizable.
It’s not quitting work or even being happy.
It’s having the space and time to discover who I truly am. Who I truly want to be.
This post is very interesting. I used to be obsessed with financial independence too. Well, I’m still obsessed with it, but not to that degree anymore. Hopefully, I can get to where you are someday. When you don’t have to worry about money at all, then you’re free to discover who you really want to be. Unfortunately, most people leave it until they’re old. I guess it’s never too late, but more time would be better.
My college buddy and I used to hang out with two girls who roomed together in the next dorm. He ended up marrying the one I was originally intrigued with and I married the one he was trying to impress. He unfortunately died in a company plane crash years ago but my wife and his widow are still great friends. In my case I was financially independent long before I ever realized it but work was too fun to quit so it didn’t matter.
Reminds me of the song by Material Issue, “Valerie Loves Me.”
My idea of financial independence has been changed quite a bit as I mature myself. Hitting numbers now that I had previously anticipated would be my freedom number still has not caused me to FIRE yet. Likely a combination of One More Year Syndrome and just my conservative nature.
Thoughtful and sincere as always DocG. For me if I had to use a relationship metaphor mine would be something like a long term one. Hot and heavy early and then different over time. Sometimes taken for granted a bit but still very much in love. I have also only been at it for 10 months but my 1st anniversary is coming up 😉 I appreciate the perspective from others who have been at it longer
Having decided to retire in a few months at age 66 I certainly find myself less anxious, obsessed etc. Although not hitting that magic number I thought I needed to be “ok” there’s enough for food, clothing, shelter, utilities and insurance. After that who Knows? Certainly have enough books on those shelves to keep me occupied. And the weeds in my landscaping! Oh my! I am looking forward to this next phase come what may. At least no more alarm clocks or Monday mornings!
I’m officially about 1.5 years into this pursuit, though I’ve been saving and investing since my teens, and I’m already seeing my perspective on FI(RE) shift. I suspect it will continue evolving as my accounts continue growing too. A year ago, I was socking away every last dollar I could and denying myself more than I probably wanted, but I was so set on FIRE that it was rather obsessive. Now, I’m relenting a bit on some things and am seeking more balance. I’m also choosing time with others now over writing, since time with others is the ultimate goal. Writing is part of the goal too, but mostly time with loved ones trumps all.
Interesting perspective, though, on how our attention refocuses after placing so much time, energy, and attention on a particular person and how it’s similar to our perspective on FIRE.
Interesting post. All things fade.
Thanks for supporting the Alt-Right Movement by tweeting our father Mr Freedom Is Groovy’s post he wrote on Marketwatch btw!
People like us need to stick together and spread the movement.