Becoming, Doing, Being

Becoming, Doing, Being

There was a study many years ago that compared long term happiness among two distinct populations. One was recent winners of the lottery. And the other was accident victims who were newly paraplegic because of the accident. Over years, clear trends became apparent. Without getting into too much detail, the results can be summarized in this manner. Lottery winners were not as happy as expected and accident victims were not as unhappy as expected. And as you guys know already, I likely attribute this finding to our old friend treadmills. We are incredibly adept at adapting to both good and bad situations. So this leaves us with the question. So how do we really increase happiness? Simple. By becoming, doing and being.

Three simple concepts that I believe are essential to finding contentment. As much as we concentrate on it in the financial independence community, having probably plays a very little role. Like the lottery winners, money is not enough to truly move the needle.

Becoming

It is the subject of many songs, poems, and religious prayers. As Miley Cyrus said, it’s the climb. While counter intuitive, most anyone can attest to the truth of this phenomenon. We feel happiest not when we have met a big audacious goal, but more commonly when we are in the process of becoming.

For most of my childhood and young adult life, I was trying to become a master physician. But looking back on the journey from my destination, some of my most fond years were while in medical school.

The same can be said for financial independence. There was true magic in the first few years where I was learning to optimize, frugalize, and invest. Now well past enough, I no longer take pleasure in what feels like routine trivialities. The treadmill has caught up. I have adapted to my situation, and it no longer feels special.

The solution is surprisingly simple. Find meaning and purpose in a journey that has no proper end. The goal is to always be striving and making progress, but never exactly get to the top of the mountain. My purpose has shifted from being a doctor to becoming a communicator. This encompasses writing, podcasting, and public speaking.

There is no concrete end to these goals. There are infinite possibilities to grow.

Doing

Becoming is very goal oriented even if you choose to become something that has no proper finish point. Doing, on the other hand, has both a beginning and an end. The difference? The end is not as important as the process of doing itself.

Let me explain. I love reading. It brings me joy. I could sit around with a book for hours on any given day and be completely content. I glean no profit from doing this. With the type of stuff I read, I am probably not expanding my mind at all. The process, unto itself, increases happiness.

Spending time with family and friends falls into this category. So does exercise, and so do hobbies. While being a communicator is what I am becoming, podcasting is one of the things I do. Part of being happy with this activity (hobby) is learning to enjoy the process of making an episode regardless of outcome. The fun we have recording and the joy of hearing the finished product are enough. Even if no one listens.

Don’t forget love. Selfless love is the ultimate act of doing.

Being

We sometimes forget that the most gratifying parts of life can be derived from just existing without the temptation of action. I am a member of the financial independence community, and derive much pleasure from this.

I am a father. And a husband. And a friend. Being these things makes me happy.

We practice being by meditation, gratitude, and humility. We practice being by cranking up the radio and dancing to our favorite song. And acts of service. Love. Connection.

And turning off social media.

Presence.

Final Thoughts

Becoming, doing, being.

This is the best answer I have to the question about finding long term contentment. Financial independence won’t get you there. Neither will achievements. These are just treadmills.

Yet yearning to become something that has no finish point. Doing things that bring joy regardless of where they end. And being present and intentional are about the best ways I know how to reach for this ephemeral goal.

At least, if nothing else, it feels good.