The Superwoman Phenomenon
The Superwoman Phenomenon
Later this evening I will be recording a podcast episode with three very accomplished high earning women. I’m really looking forward to this conversation. I have spent the last few hours preparing for the show by reading their content and listening to podcasts. In the least of gratuitous ways, I’d like to express a preconceived notion which is even more concrete after today’s preparation. It is not easy being a professional woman, spouse, parent, and content producer all at the same time. The superwoman phenomenon is real.
We are surrounded by a community of superwomen. While I find this quite awe inspiring and cool, I can’t but also wonder if it is truly fair.
Do we ask the same out of men?
This and That
I was listening to the Hippocratic Hustle Podcast episode with Dara Kass. To paraphrase her rather inelegantly, when professional women introduce themselves they tend to say that they are a this and a that.
I am a doctor and a mother.
I am a lawyer and a wife.
Men don’t do this. We say that we are doctors or lawyers. Then we stop. But for women, there is almost a need to explain away the professional part. There is an attempt to to verbalize further. To define deeper. To negate the importance of the first by asserting the second.
Isn’t being a doctor enough? Do we have to sweep it away by pivoting to something more acceptable?
While this might seem minor, I think it points to a much deeper issue. Society is saying that is totally okay for women to be these professional beings, as long as they don’t let go of their more appropriate responsibilities.
And thus society reasserts the superwomen phenomenon. It’s fine as long as you do both!
And Then came Baby
This superwoman phenomenon really hits hyperdrive when a baby comes along. Professional women are given intense pressure at home to be the perfect parent. To breastfeed for years. Show up to every daycare and schooling event (even in the middle of the work day), and drop everything when the kid develops a fever.
Yet, bosses grumble when the topic of FMLA arises. Post natal time off is frowned upon, and pressure is exerted to keep it at a minimum. The workplace is often difficult for the new mother. Pumping stations are outdated, or not present, or too few to service a large institution.
There is no allowance for unforeseen childcare emergencies. Women are expected to be at work when they are at work, regardless of what is going on at home. And if you are unlucky enough to be in a job where travel is common, there will be little time to get back up to speed.
Although better than in the past, men are not expected to be responsible for such things. For a professional man, society accepts taking only 1-2 weeks off after the birth of a child before returning to work.
And if a man wants to take an afternoon to catch his daughter’s soccer game? He is applauded for being an engaged father. A female employee may be dissuaded from doing the exact same thing.
Financial Independence Also?
Then of course, if you are a believer in financial independence, there is budgeting and saving. Do it yourself projects. Don’t forget building a business or creating a side hustle!
Believer it or not, the superwoman phenomenon is probably made worse by discovering the financial independence lifestyle.
No wonder there is a push to reach the magic number so quickly.
Final Thoughts
We like to talk of gender equality and gender equity. I think we have made progress in the a last few decades. But this superwoman phenomenon is a real problem. It is exhausting, and probably superhuman to try to be all these things at once. I watched my mom do it all those years during childhood, and I am consistently in awe of how she managed it.
The answer, of course, is complicated. We need gender equality in both work and home environments. But we also need gender equity. What that means is fairness for both men and women based on their respective needs.
That means that women should be able to kick ass in the board room in between trips to the breast pumping room.
Or even if they decide not to get married or have kids at all.
My lady has been a software engineer for her whole career. As an executive now, whenever she walks into a new meeting the handshakes are extended toward one of her male engineers first and she is often assumed to be the marketing person. She re-proves her brilliance every time to every new team and new role. That’s a superwoman to me and maybe after a generation or two of others like her the equity will emerge
I hope so.
In my opinion, women list both of their jobs when asked what they do because they are both full time jobs. One career is the same as a man’s. The other career, children and home, is their second, equally important and time consuming job. In our society, the home and family obligations almost always fall on the woman. It isn’t just that they list two jobs, they have two full time jobs. Men, when in a high powered job, like doctor or lawyer, most likely have a spouse at home to take care of the home and family, women, not so much.
I think this is the difference between equality and equity. Maybe we are getting closer to equality, yet by making women be dual job holders we are far from equity.
Yes, the superwoman phenomenon is very real. While we have made some strides as a society, this is still a big issue.
I am glad that you are writing and talking about this, to give this issue attention. Your respect for women is admirable and appreciated! Kudos to your mom for her role in this!
The mom job is 24 hours. When you juggle the mom job with a company job it’s exhausting and overwhelming. You can put in an incredible amount of hours, and get tugged in many directions, including family and household activities and responsibilities. Working women ( with children/ families ) always have more than one job. Not all employers are flexible or understanding . Some outright prefer women without children. Guess what? If you make the decision to stay at home and raise your children and not participate in the Superwoman track. You’d be surprised about the negative feedback you can receive. From society, and even from family and friends. Somehow you are less respected, for not working full-time . For not having a power career. There is an expectation that a woman should and can do it all. Yes, We can do it . But, we are working harder, with more home and family responsibilities than our male counterparts.
Yes. And doing it all shouldn’t have to be the default.
Agreed!