External to Internal Motivation

External to Internal Motivation

I got a text this morning. A colleague had been asked for referrals to take over a medical directorship at a local assisted living. He wanted to pass my name on. In the past, this was exactly the kind of opportunity I grooved on. A fat stipend and easy access to a new population of patients. Even in half retirement, I paused for a minute. I have all this extra time, don’t I? This really wouldn’t be that much of a bother. A few extra meetings here and there. Maybe I would have to start seeing patients again. It all sounded so good. Except that it didn’t. And that’s the thing about moving from external to internal motivation.

I have spent most of my life a slave to external motivators. They have ruled my time, sucked up my energy, and often kept me from pursuing the deeper and more important internal work.

So why is it so hard to abandon them now?

Money

How could money not be a prime motivator? We need it to live after all. And people like me have made quite an effort to become good at it. Not just having the money, but creating revenue streams. Call them businesses, investments, or lazy side hustles if you will.

The common thread is that there is nothing innately good or pleasing about money other than it gives you freedom and luxury. So why did I let it run my life in the past?

I spent years a slave to my pager and mobile phone. Missed out on sleep and family. Created an unhealthy environment not only for myself but also my loved ones.

I paid this price so that I could have the ability to pursue purpose and identity in my life. But I am finding the transition from external to internal motivation difficult.

It’s hard to let go of old habits.

Acclaim

There were other external motivators. Not just money but leadership. Acclaim. The ability to influence others. The achievement treadmill reared it’s ugly head over and over again in my life.

Each successive accomplishment a springboard to the next. Yet I was grasping for something that didn’t really exist outside of me. I was trying to convince myself that I was somehow worthwhile. Good enough.

No matter how many awards I won and things I built, it was never enough. The question and the answer both resided in the same place. I couldn’t find the peace I was looking for on the outside.

External to internal motivation. Not just motivation, but also the answers to my deepest questions. I wasn’t finding them by getting richer, smarter, or more recognized for my achievements.

A Better Way?

I’m going to try to go about life a touch differently now. I am going to try to transition from external to internal motivation. That means letting go of money considerations when taking on new work or projects. It means foregoing external forms of validation and seeking the deeper truths that i search for.

What makes me happy?

What forms of creation fulfill my purpose and identity even if no one else sees or cares?

How do I connect with the world in meaningful ways?

How do I give without the consideration of receiving?