Happy Stealthy Holidays

Hanukkah is upon us and Christmas is around the corner.  And don’t forget all those New Year’s parties.  Although I am far from a stealth wealth expert, this time of year can be problematic for those in the financial independence community.  Especially if you are big into frugality.  While the month of December doesn’t need to be especially painful, there is no doubt that awkward situations will arise in this ever social atmosphere we find ourselves in.  Having happy stealthy holidays can be complicated, but doesn’t have to be impossible.

I think a little humor here is in order.  There is no other way to manage the troublesome questions and statements from family and friends.  Are you ready?

So What Do You Do For A living?

This question will come up over and over at parties where you are meeting new people or even with relatives.  It can threaten the whole foundation of your happy stealthy holidays.  If you are early retired, half retired, on a mini retirement, or somewhere in between, the pause can be uncomfortable at best.  It’s hard not to lie when you know the real answer will cause even more confusion and explanations.

I think you should try out this line:

I manage a private equity portfolio worth millions.

Simple.  To the point.  It has the veneer of respectability but still gives you the leeway to describe your daily routine of sitting in your pajamas browsing your personal asset allocations on Vanguard’s website.  Plus, since most people don’t understand the investing world anyway, they are less likely to push you on details of what that exactly means.

Whose Piece of Crap Car Is Blocking Me In The Driveway?

I have my own stealth wealth fail when it comes to cars, but many of you are much more responsible than me.  I imagine there is nothing worse than being called out on your hooptie at a party with family and friends.  A key tenet to the financial independence movement, we are unlikely to get rid of our old reliables to make others happy.

So what do you do?

I think there are a few possible approaches.  You could open with this one:

Don’t you love vintage Camry’s?  I had to pay extra to get the owner to let go of this one.  It was hard to find one with just the right amount of rust, dents, and upholstery damage to be authentic.

Or.  Pull out a small notebook and pencil and hit them with this one:

The economics class I am auditing is doing a study on the devastating effects of depreciating assets on personal wealth.  So what did you pay for your car? 

Hopefully one of those will shut them up.  At least it will help you avoid the pitfalls of a happy stealthy holiday.

Oh My G-d I Spent So Much On Christmas Gifts!

People love to brag by feigning shock at their holiday spending habits.  Yet, being an amiable friend and neighbor, it is rude to burst their bubble by looking at them quizzically and describing how you spent very little.

In my opinion, this time of the year is perfect to open a bunch of credit cards to take advantage of travel rewards.  Then go out and prepay property tax, utilities, and buy a slew of gift cards to cover future spending.

Then you can respond gleefully.

I opened so many credit cards this month and maxed them all out!

The key to a happy stealthy holiday is not to lie, but to use the truth intelligently.

Final Thoughts

All joking aside, the holidays are a time where our different way of thinking in the financial independence community becomes magnified.  To have a happy stealthy holiday, you can either just tell the absolute truth and deal with the confused looks and awkward silences.  Or you can craft your own answers that bend just enough to relieve the social stress.

The choice is yours.

Happy Stealthy Holidays!