The Solitary Path of Financial Independence

It’s almost easy to forget.  All I have to do is jump on twitter, cruise over to Facebook, or peruse Pinterest, and I come away thinking that the world is on FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early).  Financial freedom is alive and well.  The blogosphere is so brimming with great pro-Fire content, It’s easy to feel that digital connection is enough.  In reality, in real life however, the solitary path to financial independence is often quite lonely.  There is not only the arduous task of getting past you can’t, but the very real sense of being a pariah.

In the beginning, the outsider status is pretty cool.  Being known as the guy who thinks differently has its benefits.  But eventually we all search for a deeper, human connection.  We wish to be loved, understood, and even celebrated for our most ardent yearnings.

It only takes a few rejections to realize that the majority of those we surround ourselves with don’t feel the same way.  They might not even want to hear about your latest frugal win or what level of FI you are shooting for.  If you’re lucky, they listen pleasantly before politely changing the subject.

Spousal Buy In

There are plenty of great articles about spousal buy in. I won’t re hash the whole conversation here.  Although there are many stories of couples who are on the opposite side of the spectrum, this is not always the case.  But that doesn’t mean there is absolute harmony either.  Even if you are like me, you married someone who shares similar values about spending and saving, there is always a certain amount of asymmetricality to the fervor.   Often one spouse is sensible, reasonably frugal, and thoughtful (my wife) and the other is a raging FIRE heretic (you know who).

This difference in-depth and passion concerning financial issues is bound to lead to conflict.  One spouse may feel the other is being a spendthrift, while the other feels like his or her spending habits are being dissected unfairly.

The solitary path of financial independence can tear people apart as opposed to bring them together.

Friends and Family

Your friends and family might want to hear about your thoughts on the safe withdrawal rate and the latest post by Physician on Fire, but they probably don’t.  You may find a supporter here and there, but the majority will not see finances the same way you do.

In fact, they could get down right annoyed and feel judged by your asceticism.  And you may get tired of hearing the woe is me story about all the things they can’t afford.

There result could even be a mutual decision not to spend time together anymore.

Community

Out in the world, very few will understand your desire to retire early.  They will gather around the water cooler and laugh at the folly of the thirty something who thinks they have enough money to live the rest of their lives without working.

There will be social outings, invitations, and trips that you will decide not to take because they are too costly.  Your church group or bridge club will fail to understand how you can brag of financial independence but not follow them to that expensive restaurant for cocktails

The solitary path of financial independence can lead to embarrassment.  What happens when you have to slink out of your back door so that the neighbors don’t see that you are home at noon on a Monday?  When you explain that you are financially independent and no longer work, their eyes glaze over and they stare at you with disbelief.

Solutions

The solitary path of financial independence doesn’t have to rule your life.  Remember, the goal of FIRE is to put your finances on autopilot and then go about your business.  While this may be a topic that separates you, the bonds between spouses, family, friends and community are much more complex and varied.

Your community may not understand your obsession, but hopefully know and love the other ninety percent of who you are.

Digital engagement helps, but cannot be the backbone of all our social interactions.

And if you’re lucky, there will be a local ChooseFI or other personal finance geek meet up where you can form a supportive face-to-face community.