Getting Past You Can’t
Getting Past You Can’t
There are a million personal finance blogs that will teach you how to reach financial independence by the art of incremental gains. They will espouse frugal hacks, how-to lists, and all sorts of great granular advice on how to strive towards one’s goals. That is not my niche. You will not find any advice here on how to save on insurance or cut the grocery bill. No offense intended. It’s just not what I’m good at. My bread and butter lies a little more in the forest and less in the trees. I like to inspect from the thousand foot view. Up here, patterns begin to emerge. What interests me most, is those patterns that lead to better optimization and success in a chosen path. Today, I’d like to focus on one of these in particular. Getting past you can’t.
I have been told you can’t many times in my life. Throughout childhood, it was the one consistent phrase batted around me as I jumped into each new adventure. Adulthood has been no better.
Chances are that naysayers will follow you where ever you go.
The trick to getting past you can’t is to realize the more you are hearing this phrase, the closer you are to achieving something spectacular.
Be tenacious.
And understand what the people saying these words truly mean.
I Don’t Believe In You
I grew up with a learning disability, and struggled for years trying to grasp the basic concepts of reading and spelling. Then something magical happened. After years of tutoring, my teacher took me to the head of the class and displayed five books. They were reading guides meant for students of differentiated abilities. I was mostly coloring in a coloring book at the time while my peers were splayed out amongst the five levels.
As I walked up to the front of the room, a classmate in the most difficult level looked at me and said:
You can’t join my group, you’re not smart enough!
This was the last thing I heard before successfully demonstrating to my teacher, in front of the whole class, that I could read far better than anyone expected. She placed the first book on the desk and I began to read. After proving proficiency, she than graduated me to the next book.
By the end of the hour, I landed in the level just under my naysaying classmate.
Years later, I would far surpass him academically.
Getting past you can’t, I realized what my so-called friend was really saying .
I don’t believe in you.
It’s Unheard Of
When I started selling art work on the internet, I went to many brick and mortar galleries to learn about the business model. I was new to the field, and felt like I needed to gain as much knowledge as possible. Over and over, I heard the same phrase from the gallery owners.
You can’t just start an online art business!
They hemmed and hawed about the relationship building that was necessary. They opined that a doctor couldn’t muster the business savvy or the know how to make it in the art world. Then they complained that having a place to display the art, although costly, was more ideal for this kind of business.
Six months later, I was selling to them at cheaper prices than they were getting from the publishers. I became one of the galleries best resources.
Getting past you can’t, I realized that what the gallerists were actually saying is that they had never heard of anyone having success in my proposed model.
Not that it was impossible.
I Can’t
When I decided to open my own concierge medical group, a colleague took me aside and adamantly tried to convince me not to give up my current role. He had recently tried the model himself, and had failed miserably. He didn’t want me to make the same mistake he had. I remember how animated he was.
You can’t give up your successful practice on a whim. You’ll never make it!
Getting past you can’t, I now know what he really meant.
He meant: I can’t.
I couldn’t make it work.
When You Shouldn’t
Sometimes, one shouldn’t ignore you can’t:
- It’s Illegal
- It’s Immoral
- You put your health at risk
- It will get you noticed by the IRS
- It’s really risky
In Conclusion
Getting past you can’t requires much thought and understanding. Successful people don’t just listen to the naysayers and give up.
You will face many roadblocks to success. Make sure you can decode the you can’ts, and only listen to those that you shouldn’t ignore.
Great Post and reminder ! Kudos, that you rose to the challenge of ” Can’t ” and not only succeeded, but thrived. Sometimes the mere mention of this word is enough of a barrier, that people quit.
It’s funny how quickly we quit on our dreams the minute someone tells us it is not possible.
Can’t can’t can’t. Boy, have I ever heard this so many times in reference to me. Recall my going to med school on a dare. That was another one of those. Did I ever prove the naysayers wrong. It has always been my ability to think “why not me?” that has allowed myself to keep going whenever anyone told me that I “can’t”.
I really think getting past the naysayers is a major step in success,
The biggest hurdle to success is not failure, it’s failure to start. I can’t is just one of a few reasons that make that true.
Well said. Failure is daunting.
I was tinkering as an artist for a hobby and I did an oil monotype, then put pastel on it. It turned out really nice, so I decided to enter it in an art show. One of the “real” artists at the entry table asked me the category, so I told her what it was and she said “You can’t put pastel on oil”. I said, “I did” and she said “you can’t do that”. I said “But I did” and she just couldn’t get past can’t. I eventually selected the Mixed Media category, and my painting got selected by the judges for the show. I have always enjoyed that painting as a metaphor for “I can’t”!
My husband says the gym where he went to high school had a big sign up top “Can’t means Won’t”. I love that.
I love that too. There is nothing like quitting before you even start!
Great point, Doc G.
I, too, had a reading disability (not in fluency, but in reading rate). Ironically, I am married to a reading teacher. I had someone tell me I wasn’t going to be able to graduate medical school because of my disability. All of that before I became class president, student body president, chief resident and graduated my residency with academic distinction.
The naysayers definitely gave me fuel to reach my goals. They still do today.
Thanks for being one of the good guys and providing insipiration!
Your story is quite inspirational! I doff my hat.
Thanks for that story TPP. That was lovely and very inspiring. Someone wired this way will succeed in however you define success.
I know. Right. Sounds like a great story!
Thanks, guys. I appreciate the support.
This reminds me of one of my favorite books, The Magic of Thinking Big. They spend a whole book combating all the “I Cant’s” to tell you you can. You can go bigger than you ever dreamed. The sky is the limit. If someone else has done this before you, then you know you can do it too. If someone else has never done it, then you can be the first.
Dr. Cory S. Fawcett
Prescription for Financial Success
Hey Cory, what you have accomplished is a good testament to this.
Very inspirational post. Amazing what you have accomplished. Sometimes I think if you are given a disadvantage you end up being better than someone who has life handed to him or her on a plate.
Thanks Xray. I think when the disadvantaged taste success… they decide they like it all the more.
I was about 25 and interested in “the markets” I lived in corn and bean country. Commodities trading is basically about trading levered risk. You trade what the future weather is going to be, you trade how big the crop is going to be, you trade whether the tractors and cultivators are going to get stuck in the muck, and you trade what’s happening 2 states over where conditions may be completely different. If you’re not on the trading floor , you trade the risk of not understanding the risk minute to minute. You trade risk and you learn about business. If you do it right you make money, so there is a lot of motivation to do it right. Sometimes “you can’t do that” actually means “I can’t do that” I spent several years understanding how to make money trading corn and beans and spreads and interest. I risked a little money. Made a little money, gained a lot of insight.
When I went to med school I had enough money to buy a seat on what was called “the mini market” in Chicago or pay for med school, It was 1981 and interest rates were 18%. I managed my risk and never looked back, and stuffed the experience in the hopper of my life. One thing I have learned is you can do pretty much whatever you want as long as you manage your risk.
I think we under value risk management. I think it’s the theory this community spends too little time talking about.
Nice stories. My favorite mantra is “stuff ain’t so hard”.
At first things look hard and confusing, but after working at it things just become de-mystified. And what looked opaque suddenly becomes much clearer.
True dat! And thanks!
Most of the best Innovations in technology that the world enjoys right now probably arose from those two words…
So true!
That’s very true! However I do think people sometimes have irrational dreams, goals that are so absurdly unachievable that spending their lives pursuing them is basically a waste of their lives. In those cases good council may be to tell them why their quest is improbable and to help them find an achievable way to succeed at something else. All the postive mental attitude and perseverance in the world will not let a 5 foot tall, slow guy with no vertical leap play in the NBA. He might become a coach or an agent or scout and still live the dream though.
True. But I think you have to push through the first few you cants and then figure it out for yourself.
Yeah, that’s probably the best way. Plus you could be wrong, it could be the guy really is Spud Webb. Although he was 5’7″ and had a 42″ vertical leap nobody ever thought he could play in the NBA besides himself, and he was right!