The frugality wars is a fictional, post apocalyptic, fable chronicling the downfall of modern society at the hands of the evil Frugalites.  Brought to you for your reading pleasure, there may be a lesson here or there about the FIRE community and how we see ourselves.  A few of the characters may seem familiar, but indeed are not based on reality.  If you find yourself looking familiar in any of these sketches, it’s probably not you, the people I spoof are too busy to read this little blog.  Please refer to chapter one, Less is More, before reading this installment.

Wheeling, Illinois 2036 (The Final Skirmish)

At the precise moment Maron was chewing on the last morsels of sumptuous beef, cloaked in the darkness of the now empty Le Francois, Old Dick Williams sat across town in his office in the municipal building.  His hands shook as he rolled the Cuban past his nose and inhaled  deeply.  Victory was sweet! The frugality wars were coming to an end.  While he fumbled for a lighter in the drawer using one hand, he pushed the box of cigars forward towards the mustachioed guest sitting across the desk from him.  The dark figure scowled and let out a yelp of disgust.

A little too rich for my taste.

Mayor Williams wasn’t going to let his companion’s foul mood ruin his glee.  Cutting the power to the old restaurant was a stroke of genius, and knee capped the resistance at its most vulnerable.  Even as he inhaled the woody, grassy smell emanating from between his fingers, the resistance was being rounded up.  Allegations would be filed, sentences handed down quickly, and long jail sentences the norm.

His jubilation only sobered by the morose company he currently was forced to keep.  The governor had been clear.  All directions from the Mustachioed Man were to be followed without question.

Dick didn’t know who the man was nor did he care.  One of the high level frugalite thugs, he figured, as he took another long draw on the Cuban.

He had no idea that the Great FIRE movement, started in the early 2000’s, was in part do to men like the one in front of him.

Ironically, men like Maron also.

A Narrow Escape

You must let the mad one escape.

Mayor Williams hated to take orders from anyone much less this silent Frugalite boss who only graced him with speech long enough to spit out commands.  An enigma.

The frugality wars  were now all but over, and Williams hated to see any crusaders spared punishment.  Repression was only successful when it was complete.  The brutality had to be all encompassing.  He shrugged.

The mad one?  Are you talking about that fool who refused to flee and is sitting there complacently eating a hunk of prime rib as we speak?  My men were just about to take custody and knock that stupid grin right off his face.  He doesn’t look so mad to me?

Mr Mustachio grabbed Williams by the neck with one hand and knocked the Cuban out of his mouth with the other.  As the mayor squirmed down to his knees, MM glared down at him with malevolence brimming through from his glare and his jaw clenched.

You fool.  He was once a mad scientist with great powers of calculation and a unique knowledge of the tax code!  He goes by Maron now.  But don’t mistake his humble nature.  He is dangerous!  (and too important to get caught up with you idiots)

MM had to catch himself from blurting out the last part.

A Journey Begins

MM barreled down the steps of the municipal building and crashed out onto the sidewalk in front.  Thankfully his bike was still chained to the stop sign at the corner.  Hadn’t anyone in Wheeling heard of bike racks?

It was a long ride back to Longmont, Colorado.  And some time before he arrived he had to intercept Maron and convince him to change his mind.

Everything counted on it.  Otherwise, the frugality wars were all for naught.

MM had little choice.  He either had to convince Maron that he was right,

or he had to kill him.