I’m Allergic to Success
Allergic to Success
I have a friend. Let’s call him Stan. Stan is deathly allergic to shellfish. OK, not deathly allergic, but every time he eats lobster his face blows up, his lips appear bee stung, and his brow turns bright red. But he loves this delicious treat. So, once in a while, he convinces himself that he has overcome his allergy, and dives in bibbed and double fisted. And like clockwork, the reaction returns. He swears each time he will never try it again. Yet he does. Over and over. He cannot deny his allergy, but that doesn’t stop him. In the same way, I feel allergic to success.
Now I can hear you, fair reader, as I type these words.
Doc G, you write about your high net worth, and your side hustles, and you burgeoning real estate empire. How could you be allergic to success? You sound pretty prosperous to me..
Of course, you’re right. I may not be literally allergic to success, but It never quite feels right.
Success Fits Poorly
My whole life, I have been insanely driven. I grew up with a learning disability and struggled to read. I lost my father at a young age. These early childhood traumas had a dramatic affect on my sense of self. It made me think that I was sub par, not good enough, lacking.
I became aware of these feelings at a very young age, and struggled through them in college. I came out of this haze stronger and more confident. Neither a hindrance nor an obstacle, my feelings of insecurity had driven me to work even harder. I strove to surpass all the hurdles set in front of me.
It’s hard for me to now admit it, but I am a success. Those old feelings keep coming up even though I blew through my learning disability and became a doctor. Then I married and had children. I have built businesses and wealth.
Yet like a pair of pants that is a few sizes to big, no matter how hard I try to hold the waistline up, it just keeps drooping.
Success Doesn’t Sit Well
Would you laugh if I told you that pondering my own success makes me itchy and uncomfortable? I really am allergic to success. The only relief I get is to concentrate on all I still have to accomplish. Although this kind of thinking sounds self defeating, it is quite motivating.
My net worth may be in the seven figures, but it should be in the eight!
I have a successful business, but look at all those guys doing it online with much less stress!
I wish I could be like those gals whose blogs are ultra successful and keep getting invited onto podcasts!
There is even envy for those whose accomplishments are far less rigorous than mine. I may run a million dollar business, but I get downright impressed by someone who makes a thousand dollars a month on Etsy.
I think I’m much more at home with the idea of failure. Like a warm winter coat, there is always the dream of spring. This dream is one of the reasons that financial independence has brought about an internal struggle. If I retire now, I have to look the demon of success in the face and sit with it for awhile.
What Is a Guy to Do?
I bet there are many of you out there who have an allergy like me. We are driven folks, and success is a momentary way station, a stepping stone. We are always pushing forward to the next achievement. The next goal.
In an attempt to reclaim sanity, I have started to slow down and review my accomplishments. I give myself more credit, and let the hive-inducing feelings of success wash over me unencumbered.
After all, I overcame the learning the disability. And my father’s death was in no way my fault.
I can be proud of who I am.
How about you? Does success fit comfortably? If not, why?
I know what you mean. There is something about the discomfort that drives us on to bigger things. I recently read Scott Adams book “How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big”. Not only does he have good humor, but some excellent strategies to move forward. For instance, he says goals are for losers. Maybe that feeling of achieving a goal is at the heart of the discomfort with success.
You can and should be proud of your accomplishments. And still be awed and inspired by others who are doing amazing things.
Goals are for losers. Ha! I think that the reality is that goals loose their sparkle when achieved.
I usually prescribe a premedication protocol of steroids and Benedryl for patients prone to allergy.
But seriously, we all have our internal thermostats set differently, and it’s determined early on in our lives. It’s shaped by how we view of money and how our parents viewed money.
High achievers will always be high achievers. Nothing wrong with that. But if it is making you itchy, maybe turn down the thermostat.
I’ve been working on slowly turning down the thermostat. It’s not easy after all these years.
This really got me having an internal debate! I think I’ve got a more of a hives level allergy to success, but a epinephrine level allergy to failure. My slight allergy to success likely comes because I was/am encouraged to be humble and not self-centered. At the same time this was/is contradicted by the notion of stopping and smelling the roses and self-appreciation.
On top of all of those contradictions, I agree that we are in a very task oriented world. Once one item is ticked off, it is onto the next! A prime example is when I explained to my parents that I wasn’t going to attend my undergraduate graduation ceremony because I was going to have another for my Masters a year later. Luckily my parents encouraged me to “stop and celebrate my successes in life”. It took me a few years, but now I sure am thankful for that lesson. Now I strive to slow down and remember self gratitude is important.
From what I have gathered, you have a lot of big and small things to be proud of. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge yourself (if only mentally) when you are compiling your gratitude posts! Thank you for writing such a thought provoking piece.
It’s a funny dance between success and failure. I think we need a little of both!