What Money Can’t Buy
What Money Can’t Buy
There is nothing that money can’t buy!
The man standing across the nursing station was dressed flimsily in a gown that barely covered the bottom of his boxer briefs. He paced back and forth spitting out nonsensical statements that assailed me as I crouched behind the computer terminal. I glanced furtively at the desk separating doctor from patient. Sizing him up, I considered if he was agitated enough to jump over the barricade and grab for my neck.
I own this place!
He was not so unlike many of the patients I see in the nursing homes these days. Years ago he was a high powered executive at some fortune 500 company or another. Now his brain, riddled with plaques and tangles, had succumbed to the ravaging effects of Alzheimer’s. In his case, he suffered from a malignant form of frontal disinhibition.
You’re on my payroll for G-dsakes!
His decline was particularly severe in the areas that effect executive functioning. He lost the little voice that stopped him from saying the most disgusting and visceral thoughts that sprang from his addled mind. My initial consultation and physical exam were cut short by foul language, and even more foul gestures.
Your money can’t buy me off!
A Lonely Life
His daughter confirmed the history I had picked apart from his medical records. He was a loner. Heavily engaged in his professional career. She also noted that he was as mean as a snake even before his abilities started to unravel. His wife left him shortly after the kids went to college. His daughters moved as far away as possible. The grandchildren had never met their grandfather.
His daughter believed that the only thing that mattered to him was money. Money that he didn’t even enjoy. Holed up in his office most nights, he rarely spent the green bounty that he so preciously guarded in bank accounts and investments houses.
He boasted about the retirement he would take one day. His colleagues humored him by listening, but they couldn’t wait to escape his office and scurry home to their own families and children. There were dreams about cruising the Caribbean. A summer-house by the ocean.
But there was never time,
There was always another new account to land. Another executive to woo. An investment that needed an extra sprinkling of cash.
The Decline Was Precipitous
He went from boardrooms to examining rooms. The doctors called it a rapidly progressing dementia. His title was stripped. His office given away to a much younger executive. He became a ward of the state, and his financial powers were ordered by the court to be surrendered to his less than thrilled youngest daughter.
She wanted nothing to do with her father. Disgusted by his life choices, she chose a path of simplicity unfettered by materialistic wants and needs. She had no interest in controlling his money. There are things that money can’t buy.
After months of losing function, he finally succumbed. I did my best to make him comfortable. There was morphine for pain. There was ativan for agitation. He received all the comfort and support that his vast wealth could buy.
But there was so, so much that money couldn’t buy:
A hand to hold in his last few moments.
Grandchildren to run around and giggle in his hospital room.
Children to talk about him lovingly even as his memory began to fade.
Live a Little More, Earn a Little Less
I’m not trying to imply that those of us caught up in the financial independence community in any way resemble my unfortunate patient. We are loving, caring, community building people who mostly are trying to achieve FIRE so that we can live even more. But I do think the lessons he taught have great importance.
Maybe we should earn a little less, live a little more.
Our FI number is going nowhere, it will be there next year.
And the year after that.
That’s a powerful lesson. One of my fears is ending up living and dying alone. In Japan, there is a term for it – Kodokushi- and there is a whole industry devoted to cleaning up after the dead after they die alone in their homes. Sad.
Totally sad. So important to build relationships and not just wealth.
Reminds me a bit of a documentary we saw on the fall of the Westgate Timeshare Empire. The boss man was building what I believe was the largest private home in the US, and then the housing market crashed. He buried himself in work and was miserable, despite having made tens of millions. Probably hundreds of millions.
It’s called the Queen of Versailles. Much of it is focused on his trophy wife and large family. Very interesting and eye-opening film.
Best,
-PoF
Hey PoF! Thanks for stopping by. I’ll have to check that one out. I’ve seen this scenario played out several times with my own patients.
Thanks for sharing this cautionary story. I think money has a lot of the addictive properties of some of our other vices. I’ve sensed this in my own heart at times. Many of us could benefit from a 12-step program of sorts to help us avoid the entanglements and steer us back to sanity.
12 step program. I like it.
Hi, my name is Doc G. And I’m addicted.
I work in Oncology as an NP. Most of it GYN or BMT related. This position came along with some rather big changes in my life – a break up, a move, the ending of a position that seemed assured forever. Poof! Gone with a hospital policy change. I realized I was heading toward burn out about the same time that I took the job in Oncology. It was a failing effort to stave off burn out a little longer. It didn’t accomplish that but it did give me a much needed dimension to my leaving health care full time. Gratitude and appreciation for time and a decreased focus on money. It doesn’t take a whole lot of money to make for a happy life. How fast time goes. Money is quite the second fiddle to that. Seeing my contemporaries dying within a year of two of a cancer diagnosis – young women my age – well, it gave me the impetus to get out and find joy where it was lacking. Little but genetics and luck separate my patients from me. I’ll be stepping off the dreadmill soon. I realize that today is the youngest I’ll ever be again and time is my greatest resources. Meanwhile, I am doing everything I can to add value to my life, focusing on living on less than 40K a year — adding experiences, joy and gratitude to make the rest of this life a rich one.
It sounds like you figured a lot of this stuff out. “Dreadmill”. I love it!
Hi Doc G. Someone sent this to me this morning. Thanks for the slap in the face – totally needed and deserved. I detoured back home after seeing this in the car on the way to work. Took the kids to school today.
I have to actually re read this post daily. It’s hard to keep it all in perspective!
Wow, is this a true story? It’s so sad.
I’m so glad money isn’t everything for me. Family and health are much more important once you’ve met the basic minimum need. Only a fool would take $10 million (or any amount) over those two things.
Hey, can you fix this comment above? It’s my comment. The form autofileed with Millionaire Doc’s info somehow. Strange.
-Joe
True story. Not uncommon to see this in medicine. I think you have hit FIRE just right!
I work in a nursing home as an Occupational Therapist and your post rings so true. A few years ago, I opted to work per diem instead of full time and even though my take home income is less; my happiness is way better. I see so many people in their 60’s who look and feel old. They will never enjoy a traditional retirement much less an early retirement.
Nursing home work is tough but rewarding. OT is so important to rehab!
My mom worked all her life to provide for us, never chasing money for money’s sake but for the sake of making sure we were fed, clothed, and adequately educated. Long before she should have, she was struck down by a combination of illnesses, but the worst of it was losing her mind to dementia. She died at the age of 55 never having had a chance to take a vacation or enjoy life, never meeting her grandkids. We had no family history of dementia.
I always remember that it can get any of us, at any time. I chase our FI number but never forget that it doesn’t come first. My family does.
P.S. As Joe noticed, the comment box is holding onto the autofill of a commenter before us.
Dementia is so hard. Good reminder to live in the present! Thanks for tip on commenting issue. I’ll try to fix.
Love it. I’m 94 days from giving it my second run at ER at the age of 38. Recent events are making me question why work much more, if you don’t enjoy every day that you have. Time is the one thing I can’t buy or ever get back.
So true. Obey can’t buy time once it’s gone!
Good story, sometimes someone thinks they have everything, but really have nothing
Sometimes we just need a little reminder!
My main reason for a goal of FI is to spend it with friends and family. I think it comes down to knowing your ‘enough’, or being curious to explore what is enough for you.
I agree. Sometimes, knowing what is “enough” is more difficult than it appears.
You’ve really captured the essence of these important decisions we make or don’t make in life. We think it’s all about money, but it is really all about time. And more importantly, relationships. Another well written and amazing article. Thanks DocG.
Thanks Susan! I really admire the choices you have made (that I read about in your blog!).
Great, albeit sad story.
For me it’s all about “enough.” As great as this community is about knowing their “enough” situation, it seems there are some who seem caught up in “hustling” to no end and still don’t get that. I hope they find it sooner than later.
Good luck to all in their FIRE journeys!
We are all side hustling fools! Old habits die hard! Where’s the blog? I checked out your URL.
Wow, powerful stuff, Doc G! A great reminder that there in the end, it’s not about the money. Money is just a tool. What really matters is how we live our lives and spending time with those that we care about.
Congrats on being on RockStart Finance!
Time and people. That’s all there is!
It does seem like any goal can expand to fill all our attention. Success can be our worst enemy at times.
It’s so easy to have the years go by while we scheme to escape from our own lives. I think the FI community at its best is one bent on building the lives we want to live, but it’s important to reevaluate frequently. No one is immune to forgetting to stop and live.
So true Robert. I often tell myself to stop and just breath.
Oof. What a sad story. One that I’m sure is incredibly common. Hopefully his story does some good in inspiring others to avoid his mistakes.
I hope so!
Wow, this hit home for me. I work with “your patient” on a daily basis. Thank you for the reminder to keep a hold of what is truly important.
Of course. Thanks for reading