Reframing Struggle

Reframing Struggle

I have done quite a bit of thinking about reframing in my life.  I touched on this briefly in my post about reframing sacrifice as hustle.  Reading over Dr. Linus’ blog post today, however, I realize that what I have grown the most from is reframing struggle.

Reframing StruggleWe all struggle.  We all trip, stumble and fall.  It is not how you cushion the blow, nor how you get back up that necessarily makes the difference.  It’s more about how your future self thinks about struggle after the fact.  It’s about how you reframe it.

Every life story has a villain, hero, and cast of nameless characters.  Whether you see yourself as knight, knave, or court jester makes all the difference.

Every tragedy creates the opportunity for triumph

Learning Disabled

I grew up with a learning disability.  While my friends in elementary school were voraciously plowing through text, I was stuck with a crayon and coloring book.  Words and letters would dance on the page and elude me.  My characters were disjointed, awkward, and often misplaced outside of the lines.  It took years of tutors, extra work, and blood, sweat, and tears to even get up to minimum grade level.

But as an adult, I have gotten so much mileage out of reframing this struggle.  The blood, sweat, and tears were not only mine, but those of countless tutors, school administrators, and family members.  I was swathed in love, acceptance, and support.

I was given a selfless gift from so many nameless and generous people who helped coach me along the way.

My learning disability was one of the best things that ever happened to me.  It created not only a sense of worthiness in deserving others help, but also triumph in overcoming my first life hurdle.

And I have developed a joy of words, reading, and writing that will last a lifetime.

Fatherless

My father died unexpectedly when I was eight years old.  Devastating as that sounds, reframing struggle has turned this tragedy into a part of my origin story.  My journey to becoming a physician was steeped in yearning to be like him, and carry on his legacy.  Because of this journey, I have not only forged a path to wealth but also have spent my formative years deeply mired in humanism and meaningful work.

My professional career has careened towards hospice and palliative care.  Who better to help patients and families dealing with loss?

Reframing StruggleAnd I was never truly fatherless, my mother remarried and I gained all the love and knowledge a stepfather could give.  From him, I learned about business, entrepreneurism, and real estate.

I also got an extra brother and sister in the mix.

Failure

I am a failure.  When I was a kid I failed at basketball when I couldn’t make my high school team.  I failed at investing by relying on a financial advisor.  I failed at business both speculative and otherwise.  Years into writing my first blog, I couldn’t maintain an audience.  Months into writing this one, I still struggle.

But I refuse to lament my shortcomings.

Reframing struggle has allowed me to see each misstep as important and necessary.

In Conclusion

Struggle is part and parcel of the human condition.  Anyone who has set out to achieve anything audacious or ordinary has fallen into this sinkhole.

Success, contentment, and even happiness have nothing to do with the horribleness that has befallen us in the past, and everything to do with the stories we tell ourselves about these situations.

By reframing struggle, we become the protagonist of our own narrative.  We ascend to knight and rise above the knaves.

We not only cope, we thrive.

Doc G

A doctor who discovered the FI community but still struggling with RE.

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17 Responses

  1. We are the product of all that came before both good and bad. Actually regretting something is a losing path as without the event you regret you wouldn’t be who you are today.

  2. Dr. McFrugal says:

    It’s amazing how powerful the mind is. Outcomes can differ depending on how a person frame critical situations. Where one person sees struggle, another sees an opportunity to grow. When faced with a problem, one person may see defeat while another person may see a potential solution. It is our frame of mind that influences our attitude, behavior, and actions.

  3. E says:

    It’s amazing how innately resilient we are. We are all paired with family in one form or another, situations and circumstances. Some more challenging , unhealthy and downright abysmal, than others. I believe, for most , we tap into our own inner strength to survive. And as we grow, as you have mentioned , we can look back at these difficult times, see them in the new perspective of the lessons they delivered and appreciate the positive contribution made to the person we are now. Best teacher…….. …Life!

  4. I love the way you’ve written this. “Whether you see yourself as knight, knave, or court jester makes all the difference.” That line really is a fantastic way to try to look at things during the times of struggle. If you can see yourself as a knight, even if you fail, you try again or try something else.

  5. The struggle can make us stronger or drag us down. The ability to forge onward in the face of obstacles is the essence of grit. Grit is what brings success.

  6. Dr Linus says:

    A Learning disability AND the loss of a father can be the downfall of most (we see it everyday in the ED) but if you channel those negatives into growth opportunities you end up with an advantage that most people can’t buy if they wanted to.

    Thanks for the link!

  7. Gasem says:

    I’m of the opinion life is not prologue, it is merely past. It is not controlling. I’m of the opinion you are what you do. If you spend 60 hours a week doing medicine you are a physician. The day I retired, I ceased being a physician. The day I opened a brokerage account and shoved some dough in the market I became an investor. The day I married my wife I became her husband. Those are things I still do. So my frame is future purposed because in it’s essence it’s impossible to live in the past.

    Steve Miller wrote a song called Fly Like an Eagle. time keeps on slippin into the future. Imagine if an eagle was flying and for a second got caught up in his past. He’d be crashing. If he took his eye off searching for prey, he’d be starving. If you want to be successful do the things of success.

    • Doc G says:

      I believe as thinking human beings, we have trouble forgetting the past. Our ability to embrace and do in the future will be retarded by ignoring that which came before.

  8. Xrayvsn says:

    Hardship and perceived failures on our journey make us what we are today. It is how you respond to these things that events that shapes you into what you are now. I don’t think you could know the true highs of love without experiencing heartache first. If everything comes easy I doubt you would really enjoy it as much.

  9. Gasem says:

    I didn’t say ignore it. I said don’t be controlled by it. I said don’t let the past be your frame. Like you I have significant LD and it sounds very similar in it’s phenotype. I grew up in 1950 Chicago Catholic schools complete with Nuns and rulers (taken both ways). My “narrative” was: “he’s smart but doesn’t apply himself”. My only solution was to figure it out myself. There wasn’t any other help. My Dad saw I had engineering chops and created an environment where I could succeed by doing engineering things. I had to create for myself my own method of learning. If I had not re-framed and had paid attention to my “narrative” where would I be today?

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