When Enough Isn’t Enough

When Enough Isn't EnoughWhen Enough Isn’t Enough

I never had enough.

Connor vaguely heard the words as they spilled out of his grandfather, the patriarch’s mouth, and formed a forgotten puddle on the unforgiving linoleum.  He sighed deeply as he added the last flourishes to an email on his iPhone and returned his gaze to the aged man lying in the hospital bed.  A quick glance at the Rolex confirmed that his sister would arrive in a few minutes to take over the babysitting obligation.  The distributors meeting could only be delayed so long.

Come on grandpa, you pretty much own this hospital wing!

The patriarch was dying.  As a young man of Connor’s age, he had no concept of when enough isn’t enough.  He built a multibillion dollar manufacturing business which became the fodder of his legacy to his thankless children and his self-absorbed grandchildren.

The Family Business

The patriarch despised his grandchildren.  Connor, his namesake, was no better than the rest.  They glommed onto his business.  The business built from his blood, sweat, and tears.  Yet, what could he expect?  Connor shared much more than his name.  His bulldozer tenacity and laser like focus made him a perfect fit to inherit the helm of the sprawling multinational conglomerate.

Connor, like himself, couldn’t discern when enough isn’t enough.  Both men measured themselves on the voracity of their holdings.  Each allowed their self-worth to rise and fall with the stock market valuation of the colossus that consumed their lives.

Unlike his lazy father, who also shared the patriarch’s name, Connor the third viewed the business as a living, breathing entity.  The sum was of much greater value than the parts.

I never had enough.

Connor, looking blankly out the window at a nurse and patient sitting together in an enclosed courtyard, paid little attention to his grandfather’s mumblings.

Wealth

Generational wealth.  It was a tune that all three generations of Connors knew well.  The patriarch, the creator.  The second, the ruthless spender, and the third, the builder.

When Enough ISn't EnoughWhen enough isn’t enough, love is traded for greed.  The affections shared between these three men went no further than a glancing admiration for wealth building prowess.  Connor respected his grandfather for starting the business.  He even revered him.

Yet, the old man’s passing at the hands of some cancer or another, was neither sad nor surprising.  It was just another inconvenience in the day-to-day responsibilities of a young corporate CEO.

There were private jets and lavish accommodations.  The finest champagne and best restaurants.  Servants in waiting for the patriarch and his progeny.  But Connor couldn’t escape the immediacy of the old man’s need.  He couldn’t delay his presence if but only for appearances.

Money is time and time is money.

When Death Comes

The death rattle marched from hospital bed towards eternity.  The patriarch’s wealth and power were impotent in the face of biological necessity.

I never had enough time for you kids.  Enough isn’t enough!

Connor looked up at the patriarch questioningly but it was too late.  The chest wall had ceased to move.  Some great force had mysteriously extinguished itself.

And momentarily Connor’s mind reeled.  He envisioned his wife slinking next door when he was away on business. He watched, as if on television, the nanny tucking in the children every night as he consumed himself with emergency meetings and late night dinners at the office.

Is that what the patriarch meant?

The alarm on his iPhone buzzed, and Connor noted that the distributors would be assembled in his office in fifteen minutes.

He tucked his briefcase under his armpit in a hurry and rushed past the nursing station towards the elevator.

It never occurred to him to notify any of the staff.  Nor his family for that matter.

The patriarch was dead.

 

 

Doc G

A doctor who discovered the FI community but still struggling with RE.

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22 Responses

  1. Wow, there’s no doubt that when death comes, our priorities will inevitably shift. The sad part is, we don’t learn from our elders who are dying. They’ve been there done that, and they know what is truly the most important thing!

    “I never had enough time for you kids. Enough isn’t enough!”

    Thank you!

  2. Yikes. That is a sad story of misplaced priorities and a lack of perspective.

    I miss my grandfather sorely. I am terrible at keeping in touch with people, but I called him every month to talk for the last couple of years he was alive. Like connor above, I was named after my grandfather.

    It’s hard to imagine ever becoming this disconnected, but I am guessing this was a real experience for you given your line of work.

    TPP

    • Doc G says:

      I think you would be amazed how disconnected people get. You didn’t with your grandfather. Not everyone is that smart.

  3. xrayvsn says:

    Reminds me of the oil baron Getty’s story. Worlds richest man and he had a payphone installed in his mansion for guests.

    • Doc G says:

      Money can only be enough if you are inhuman. Enough includes other things that money can’t buy.

  4. Joe says:

    That’s sad, but true for a lot of people. Life is busy and we go on. Hopefully, my future grandkids feel a little something when I pass. The grandson here is pretty callous.

    • Doc G says:

      Callous only because he has been taught that money and big business creates enough. But in this case enough isn’t enough. One needs love, companionship, and even grandkids to mourn when you pass.

  5. Your story reminds me of Harry Chapin’s song “Cat’s in the Cradle”. With your work at the Nursing Home, these feelings and situations are seen first-hand, and they must really touch you in ways that the rest of us only see when a family member is dying. Thanks for a good story.

    • Doc G says:

      My pleasure. You see a lot of things when you work with the elderly or in the midst of death and dying. For most of my career I have written about just the human aspects. Now I try to write about financials too.

  6. Ray says:

    This story is a cautionary tale to us all, particularly those of us who are working toward financial independence. Spending a disproportionate amount of time working for/thinking about money can have tragic consequences for the relationships in our lives.

    Worse, the process can be very insidious. Thanks for the reminder. I think I’ll duck out of work a little early today and spend some time with my little girls.
    -Ray

  7. Gasem says:

    It fell to me to take care of my aging mother. That sounds harsh but my Dad knew I would be true to my Star Child charter and act hyper-responsibly toward her, and so I have. I’ve seen her MRI, her brain mass is less. She’s not alzin but aging. It’s less enough now that she can detect what she calls “fuzziness” in her previous razor sharp intellect and it pisses her off and scares her and makes her feel out of control and my mom was nothing if not in control. Not in a pathological way, but as a manner of living. She came out of the depression era where sometimes it was ketchup sandwiches for dinner and if my uncles didn’t go down to the train tacks, hop a coal car and knock off a few lumps there wouldn’t be any heat that night. My sibs and their kids are all out living the lives of Connor II and Connor III.

    I send my wife with her to every doctor visit so we know exactly what is going on, plus she gets to spend a little girl time and go out to eat and chat. She’s active in our church so she’s not disconnected. I manage from the background. I’m retired but I still have juice and all of her physicians are my asshole buddies. Not too much management, but just enough. As things progress enough is a little bit more. I understand the possibilities and probabilities and juggle the variance. I take her out a couple times a week to eat with my wife, sometimes kids and boyfriends come too. I usually take her 45 minutes away because she enjoys the ride and the company and the accommodation. The payoff is in the well planned time spent, for both of us. She still misses my Dad, when we drive past the cemetery she bids him hi. It either is what it is, or it is what you make it. There is choice involved. My Dad made his. I’m good with it.

    • Doc G says:

      It sounds like for your mom, enough is you and your wife. Apparently the Connors won’t bring her down.

  8. Another great thought provoking post. It’s easy to forget. To forget where we came from. To forget how the opportunities in our lives came to be. The emotional bridge needs to be built to connect generations. Wealth and money are transferable and unemotional. The human bond and emotional connection are what is really needed.
    It’s why I don’t kill myself for more income. That extra time is used to be with my kids to strengthen our connection. I want my kids to remember that dad always made time for them.
    It’s why I bring my kids to see the grandparents every weekend. My dad has limited mobility now and sleeps the better part of the day. He can barely stay awake for a 10 minute conversation. But having his extended family in the same room week after week is a legacy he can take comfort in. He doesn’t know how much he has in his bank account and he doesn’t care. He is content.

    • Doc G says:

      It’s great for your kids to be around the grandparents. Even important for them to see what aging and lines looks like. It is a gift.

  9. Dr. MB says:

    I often tell my kids. Primary importance is relationships. Secondary importance is health. Tetiary is wealth and quaternary is career. I think very simply.

    Money comes, money goes.

    For some, money never seems to quench that feeling of not enoughness. That’s too bad really.

    Spend time with your young children and your aged family members. You will never regret it and might actually learn a thing or two.

  10. Great writing doc. I’m so glad that I’ve reached a point in my life where I truly feel like I have enough, at least financially. Frees me up to work on the rest….

  11. Ms. Fiology says:

    That is an eerily alarming story. Great writing!

    I am certainly not anywhere close to building an empire but I am focused on building wealth. This post is causing me to re-think on why. I want to be able to give in outrageous ways. I want to be able to go where I am called and not worry about money.

    In the meantime, I need to not forget the lovely people in my life and slow down to enjoy them daily.

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